#the main reason i am getting annoyed and frustrated is bc i have had multiple people

[johndonneswife]

I just wanted to tell you that your post about families and wedding stuff was relatable and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of that. I can’t relate 100% since I am not getting married, but I’ve also never thought about it too much, since I have this fear that people who accept me now won’t accept me if I tell them I’m marrying a woman one day. I dunno, I think straight people are weird when it comes to weddings, like they didn’t think you were serious before that? Like it was a phase? (cont.)

[jessidogg]

I'm sorry to say this, but your plead to leave Justin alone just perpetuates white male privilege.

1. He criticized Britney Spears, his ex, for her drinking problems when she was a) being forced to perform to be able to see her children, b) forced to get an IUD, c) being financially abused and defamated by her father and ex, and d) recovering from the mental and emotional trauma of being exploited as a child star. This is one of the main reasons he's being so heavily criticized now. It was not only hypocritical, he ended up doing something worse because Britney never drank and drove

2. OF COURSE the cops say he was perfectly polite. He's a rich white man. He had no reason to fear for his life, the cops probably weren't aggressive towards him at all. He also knew he'd be easily bailed out

3. It is EXTREMELY out of touch to attempt to brush what he did under the rug. My uncle was killed by a drunk driver and it left my aunt and cousins devastated and in a really bad way after his death. Drunk drivers have ruined lives for purely selfish reasons. Just because he voiced your favorite animated troll doesn't diminish that

4. He's a grown ass man. He doesn't need you coming to his aid. People are allowed to be mad at him for his reckless and careless behavior. All your PSA does is try to guilt people to stop criticizing him. That's shitty

Hello! I have read all three of your asks and I totally understand where you're coming from! I'm so sorry that your uncle was killed, that is really depressing and sad and I'm praying for your family still💕

One, I'd like to say that no, JT does not need me to come to his aid. I'm VOLUNTEERING to bc I like him. I don't need his permission to tell people to forgive him, that's stupid. It's totally alright to stand up for people, just bc he is an adult does not mean that I cannot stand up for someone.

Two, you are so right! Driving while drunk is a stupid thing to do, and like I said, I am very frustrated he did such a thing. Justin has done tons of things he regrets from his drinking problems, and I wish he would just stop. But addictions are hard to stop (I totally understand that bc I have been thru multiple myself) but I wish he would just try a bit harder.

But I am not brushing what he did "under the rug". I'm sure that I won't persuade you, and that's fine, but I was only saying that we shouldn't take advantage of this to hate him even more.

I am sick of people going "haha, he's a loser" as if just because he is a celebrity that gives him more reason not to sin. I am saying that him driving drunk is just as bad as anyone else driving drunk, and that being drunk in general is terrible but that also shouldn't be the reason we hate him.

Justin Timberlake would never hurt someone on purpose. We all know that. The fact that he could have hurt someone is terrifying, but it's reality and I realize that. The point is, he made a mistake, and mistake does not mean an "oopsie" in this case, it means a "he knew what he was doing and it was a terrible idea".

In my other post I did not phrase it very well, and I'm sorry about that. What I meant was, Justin did something wrong. I am a strong Christian, and I believe that every sin is just as bad as any other. The difference is, some can cause way worse consequences. Driving while drunk is way more dangerous than maybe lying to your parents. But my God tells me that one is not worse than the other.

Even for those not being a Christian, I think everyone should know that there should not be worse sins, and "okay" ones. Everyone deserves a chance. You should forgive everyone 70 times 7. Then do it all over again.

If a liar told a nasty lie about you and didn't apologize and kept going, but a murderer turned himself in and repented and stopped, would you still say the murderer is the worst person?

The fact that Justin won't try harder annoys me. But we should never put even more hate on him just because he's well-known. He is a human. He is just as bad at stuff as other people are.

Also, Justin Timberlake is a nice guy. The fact that he knew he was going to get released wasn't why he was nice, and being white and rich should have NOTHING to do with what the police say (I find it extremely weird for u to use that description). Justin has been known for being a sweet kind guy and he loves his fans, friends, and family. He has been seen in the middle of a concert stopping everything to make sure a fan who seemed in need of help was alright by ordering security over and asking if they're good. He does tons of stuff around his town just to help out. DudePerfect, one of the most popular trick shot YouTubers, are strong Christians and said that one of their favorite memories was playing golf with Justin Timberlake. There would be no reason for them to lie about that.

Justin should not have criticized Britney Spears about that. That is very confusing why he would, and maybe he was just trying to get her not to go the direction he did a few times, but idk, it is just really stupid. But again, humans in general are stupid. I bet u can name a bazillion times u criticized someone about doing something that you have done or ended up doing yourself.

NOT HIDING IT UNDER THE RUG OR SAYING IT'S RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S NOT, JUST SAYING THAT WE ALL DO THAT KIND OF STUFF

Gosh, I know I'm probably no getting my point across, here lemme try to say this in an easier way. Erm... Justin Timberlake is human. Humans sin. Okay. Sinning is not good at all. We all do it, however, intentionally, from lying to murdering. Big or small consequences can come from any of them. DWI is terrible. I hate when I hear about anyone doing that. You have a right to be angry, I am angry at Justin. But I hate how the already Justin haters are taking advantage of every thing he does and making him seem worse than he is. You can hate him, whatever, but you can't stand beside him everywhere he goes, paper and pen, and mark down his every sin, calling him "even worse than before" with every count. Being drunk is bad!!! Driving while drunk is bad!!! But we should feel sorry for him that he doesn't seem to be able to find an outlet in something else. And we shouldn't hold up his every action, dangerous or not, against him. If we all counted everyone's sins, we would all add up to the same amount of terrible that Justin Timberlake is. We are all dumb humans. We shouldn't hold up everything against each other. We don't know the whole story of anything. All we know is that he was driving drunk. He was probably stressed, trying to have a good time, other stuff. This doesn't make it right. But it should cause us to be more cautious about the situation. Most of the people who bully have things going on at home that is causing them to let out their anger on others. Not saying that's right, but we shouldn't call them "bad people" and basically say "he did this so we're more better than them." That may not be how you think of it, but it's what you're saying.

I really hope I am not making people feel guilty, that is the last thing I want. I just want people to understand my view. If I made anyone feel guilty or it seemed that way, I apologize, that's not how I meant it at all. I just didn't agree with stuff, and I wanted to say what I thought, just how you just sent me what you thought.

Hope I said this right. I may not have because I am bad at explaining things through type. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, I love you all and mean nothing rude. 💕💕❤❤💕💕❤❤💕💕

-Jessi

[missnight0wl]

Okay I have to say this and I may be biased bc irl I am already not a fan of kids but…I really dislike Beatrice. I just got to the lakeshore/WIW scene and first she brings up penny multiple times herself and the second mc responds it’s “I don’t want to talk about penny” okay then why bring her up? then she deflects by asking about Jacob, rakepick, and the vaults and it’s def not in a caring way considering those are kinda touchy subjects with mc, then mc mentions she only brought her bc bea threatened to tell Dumblebore and gets upset when she’s compared to her idol ismelda…like I literally wanted mc to throw her in the lake that whole scene she’s so annoying

I strongly disagree. I never had any problems with Beatrice, and I still think that she’s one of the better things in Y6.

Is Beatrice sometimes annoying? Yeah, maybe. But she’s a twelve-year-old traumatised kid. What exactly people are expecting from her? Like, of course she’s gonna talk about Penny and then claim that she doesn’t want to talk about it – because that’s what many teenagers do. Hell, some adults still use this defensive mechanism. “I talk about it because it bothers me, but I won’t admit it because it’d make me look weak”.

The only annoying thing about Beatrice was that we were dragged into her drama with Penny - but it’s PENNY’S FAULT. Penny was a childish and insensitive Haywood in all of that. In Y6Ch2, we spent the whole part of this chapter convincing Penny to talk about Beatrice. Even though she was the one who wanted to meet and talk.

Like… seriously? I could expect such behaviour from Beatrice who was twelve at the time, not Penny – who was sixteen.

And then, Penny had the audacity to compare her situation to ours:

No, Penny. These are two VERY DIFFERENT situations. Jacob was missing for years, and MC wasn’t even sure if he’s alive. Then, he left again without any explanation. Beatrice is simply trying to deal with a traumatic experience, plus she’s growing up. People change when they grow up. But guess what? MC has no idea about it because they were growing up without siblings. Because Jacob was missing. Like, MC is literally the least qualified person to help in this situation.

In my opinion, Beatrice’s behaviour is totally justifiable because she’s dealing with her experience from the past year, and she suddenly has no support from her big sister who doesn’t even try to understand her. Penny’s behaviour is not justifiable because after knowing MC for years, she should’ve known better. Yet, somehow, I saw way more complaints about Beatrice than Penny in the fandom.

Now, to be fair, I do think that Beatrice got too much attention overall – especially when it comes to her conflict with Penny. But that’s mostly because more important things were glossed over in the meantime. If Jam City was able to develop the main story in detail and spread their attention more equally between different characters, I wouldn’t mind Beatrice at all. Admittedly, I’d probably focus more on the fact that both Beatrice and MC live in the shadow of their older siblings and made them bond over that. But other than that, I think that the plotline of Beatrice’s change was a good addition.

Oh, and by the way: Beatrice didn’t get upset about “being compared to Ismelda”.

She quite clearly refers to MC refusing to answer her questions about the Cursed Vaults, Rakepick, and Jacob. And speaking of that, it's another great example of similarities between these two. MC is always kept in the dark “for protection”, especially by Jacob. Interestingly, they were frustrated by that in the past as well - just like Beatrice here.

I’m sorry, I just don’t understand the hate towards Beatrice, and I don’t think I ever will. I’m not saying that everyone has to like her, but I do think that her writing is simply… reasonable.

[chocolate-raspberries]

Thoughts on season 2 of The Order, BIG SPOILER WARNINGS FOR SEASON 2. Also this is kinda rambly and unedited I apologize in advance

Okay, to start overall I did enjoy this season a lot, possibly more than the first season. I want to start with discussing the plotline. I read this in another review (by @georgesezra ) that the 2 episode formula works very well and I highly agree with that. I think overall, in the beginning the pacing went well for the mini-plots that the show is going for. The way the plot is built up, with distractor antagonists/ not the top antagonist ( Salvador ) is very reminiscent to me of early seasons of Teen Wolf ( especially season 2 with the Kanima storyline but this is not a Teen Wolf Review. )

The Early episodes were the best episodes, in my opinion, the amnesia plotline was resolved relatively quickly, but there still was some fun with it, especially with seeing Jack as a cheerleader. Also Blonde Jack, definitely the best move and I really missed the blonde in later episodes. The first half of the season the Knights Dynamic felt like it was there and real. They want to Be the Knights of St. Christopher and outside of the Order, not the Order’s pets whenever they need werewolf strength.

However, things to me go to shit when Lilith goes to the demon realm. All of a sudden many characters seem to go slightly ooc without the proper character development shown in the show. I’ll discuss this more when I touch on certain characters, but Hamish especially seemed to take a complete 180 this season, but didn’t show on the screen how we eventually lead up to that point. 

Going back to the main plot, I really enjoyed the concept of Praxis, Salvador and liberating magic. The dilemma of keeping magic only to those deemed worthy by a secret organization most people are unaware of, with their own set of strict rules where people are expected to not question the authority of the grand magus. Battled with the complete choice of free will and that everyone should be able to wield magic. Those two ideas battling is a very good concept and I wish it could’ve been used a little more or introduced earlier into the season. I think the first place we see this idea is with Rogwan. The demon that takes fear away from oneself. So, people are going completely based on their first instinct without the fear of death. This, in my opinion, is foreshadowing to what could happen if everyone could use magic. That it sounds good in concept, a life without fear sounds good, but quickly can turn disastrous and cause ( in this case ) the Apocalypse.

Parallels and callbacks are very well done this season and I loved them. With the repeated Jokes of Randall calling Hamish different nicknames, the repeated discussion of Hell versus Demon Realm with the Knights. Callbacks to events that happened in the first season. Bringing back Kyle and Professor Clarke. Showing the difference between having Midnights hide on Jack versus Silverback. Also, still showing that they are college students who are trying to just go through college, especially with Jack saying how he needs to pass his exam to keep his scholarship etc. These are things that the show does very well

Moving onto my thoughts of characters

Starting with Nicole, she was only a side character but I really enjoyed her when she was on the screen. She had a lot of conflicting morals with helping the order versus her affection for Lilith. When Lilith leaves her only concern is getting her back, seemingly more than the knights which I’ll touch on later. She spends seemingly all of her time after that trying to save Lilith and it is very apparent she just wants to use magic for the good of others, but the limitations of the order does not allow her to do so - “ the only altruistic thing i have done so far is fix someone’s car”  I hope we get to see more of her in a season 3 and see her develop more

The Sons of Enoch and Orbin. I’m going to be honest I didn’t necessarily care that much for this plotline. The thought of a hive mind is a very interesting concept and I did enjoy how they show’d to explore this concept. However, it seems like The Order makes this alliance with them and then it’s never used?? Also Alyssa joining this collective so soon ( ik she was on the juice but still ) it seems that Alyssa easily pledges loyalty to groups without getting the full story, I’ll touch on that later, but it was a frustrating to watch with her so easily trusting them despite Jack’s protests and the original reason they were there. However, the makeup and set design for Tree Jack was wonderfully done, all of the Sfx makeup is done super well 

Gabrielle turned into one of my favorite characters this season. I hated her character last season, with the whole being a complete bitch and unnecessarily cruel ( the truth glove. ) However, we get to see her have a lot of growth this season. Showing that she wants to be part of a group and have friends, she just uses her bitchness as a deflect ( smartly pointed out by Randall, I’ll touch on the relationship later. ) Her early season with her treating Jack as her pet was annoying, but at least entertaining, like I said I was a big fan of blond Jack. Seeing her being willing to help the Knights on their various quests to help save Lilith or help Jack is nice, sure I’d rather have Lilith, but at least Gabrielle is given time to have character growth. Having Midnight choose her as a champion was a good plot choice in my opinion. I’m not sure in the long run if it was, but for what it was in season 2 I liked it. She wanted to find a group that she could fight for and would fight for her, and the Knights seemed to be more than The Order. However, seeing her try to fight Midnight off, fight Kyle off and seeing her completely vulnerable is a nice change and I’m hoping is a season 3 we get to see more of the other sides of Gabrielle. However, her character seemed to be one of the most consistent while being able to have growth

Getting to the Knights

Starting off with Randall. I loved him this season a lot. His struggle with just wanting to be a knight and sticking to what he knows to be the Knights of St. Christopher is refreshing to see throughout the season. Especially in the fear chamber when his biggest fear was having to join the Order. Also is this our fears or a sight of the future was very spot on. I’m glad that the Lilith/Randall plotline was thrown out bc it was an out of nowhere part of season 1. Being not only comic relief but being able to show more strength and fight for what he believes in, which in this case is just saving Lilith, is nice to see. However, with Hamish being out of commission in my opinion it seemed like a lot of Randall’s options were limited. I highly enjoyed him killing Kepler but keeping it from Nicole in the finale. It finally seemed like something the Knights would do and how they would do anything to save a fellow knight

Lilith, we sadly did not get to see her much this season. I’m not sure if this was a prewritten plotpoint of Devery Jacobs had other projects she had to film outside The Order. However, looking at it from a storyline point it is a very poor choice in my opinion. Lilith is a fighter and she is not scared to stand up to authority. She would have put Hamish in his place for fulling committing to the Order and many things would have gone different this season, besides her being thrown to the side as a “we have to save Lilith” storyline that continuously gets put on hold. It is interesting to see what will come out of demon/werewolf Lilith in a season 3

Okay, let’s get to Hamish. Now listen I love Hamish especially in season1 and early season 2. However, the whole Vera/Hamish plotline that mostly takes place offscreen totally changes his character. Now, self-growth is important, but this seemed to be a 180 that came out of nowhere. From season 1 to killing Jack for being in the Order to not saving Lilith due to having to help the order just seems so ooc to me. Also, turning completely sober, like I said personal growth is good if we see it on camera, not when we are just told it is happening behind the scenes. However, I did really enjoy him in the early Praxis scene where he pretended it was a very good magic show, and I still love seeing his character on screen, it just was very frustrating to have this flip where it kinda came out of nowhere.

Jack Morton. I really liked Jack this season a lot. The beginning of the season I was a huge fan of vengeful Jack. With just wanting to get revenge on The Order and kill them all. Honestly was a big fan of that Jack and how his feelings were amplified by having Midnight. Then, the internal struggle of having both hides and the discussion in the collective unconscious of how it is a choice of what kind of person he wants to be and there are no wrong choices.  He had a lot of character growth this season as well. Still the non-rule follower, but this time around it is complete revenge on one character like with coventry. He truly seems to want to do the right thing for the people around him. Taking many sacrifices this season - fear chamber, confessing to the murder, multiple times facing Praxis!Alyssa. He is willing to do what it takes to make things right. Again, a complaint I had about Hamish is putting Lilith on the backburner, especially when Jack was there when it happened. However, Jack did have previous loyalty to the Order and he is shown being a person who struggles to stay on one path ( what is my actually major? ) Jack still makes a very good lead for the show and I am excited to see what the future holds for him in later seasons

This is going to be a controversial opinion, but I do not like Alyssa Drake. This does not go to say I don’t understand where her character’s motives come from, because I do. I also think it is very interesting to make her the final villain in the show. She wants to feel like she has control over her life and magic gave her that. She has said multiple times that magic is her life. So, finding out that Vera betrayed her by not destroying the Vade Mecum that blocks her magic would definitely be a good cause for her to not trust the order. To finally see Jack and fellow knights season 1 opinions. That everyone in the order is inherently selfish. And it is hard to dismiss that. Higher ups, especially the nogstic council ( that definitely is spelled wrong sorry ) are shown that they will do anything out of their own selfish needs. Saying all this and understanding Alyssa’s motives still doesn’t make me like her. She is easily manipulated by people - Coventry, the sons of Enoch, and now praxis. With this desire to be her own person completely, she loses sight of who she is. Alyssa tends to dedicate herself to one idea and sticks to that without listening to the insight of others. Season 1 with not initially believing Jack about Coventry, not listening to him about the sons on enoch. It all came to a head with Praxis. Now, I don’t believe some white boy needs to save her. I think Alyssa just needs time to figure out - who she wants to be, where her moral standings are, etc. Her delve into completely taking away Vera’s power and doing anything to get the incantation can either be seen by her being influenced by - Salvador, the Vade Mecum, or she has lost herself again. This is very reminist of me to the character or Alice from The Magicians ( whom I also am not the biggest fan of, but that is due to poor writing choices etc. not a Magicians review ) I hope in season 3 and beyond Alyssa can figure out what person she wants to be and find some sort of closure, but as it is now she is dead, so there may be a collective unconscious storyline there. It would be interesting to see her maybe talk to Ellie in there?? Idk just some ideas

Vera Stone. She stole the show. I loved Vera a lot this season. Seeing her still be a baddass and command a room is nice. It is nice to see a powerful woman in charge of an organization and not just seen as a mean bitch or completely characterized that way. Of course there is the whole side plot of  Kepler undermining her and trying to get her replaced which is frustrating. Especially from the perspective of seeing it as another woman trying to take down a woman in power. However, seeing that Vera is trying to do the right thing and is able to make the tough choices is pleasant to see. She understands that her ideas are not always ideal, but there isn’t very many options to run off of. Especially when most of our main cast doesn’t necessarily listen to what she has to say. I hope we get more of a backstory to Vera after seeing what she did under the hive mind of the sons of enoch and having her and Jack being able to bond more after that is nice. The dynamic between Jack and Vera is very well written and I like how it is explored. Although Vera is strict she still understands that these are young adults, who question authority, make mistakes, and believe that they have the right vision about the world. I am a huge Vera Stone fan and this season did her well. Her losing her magic and paralleling that to Alyssa is important to show. Both of them are more similar than they believe and both of them felt completely lost without their magic. In Vera’s case she wished she was dead instead of lost without her magic. However, how they deal with it is different, despite losing her magic, losing who she is, she still does everything she can in her limited power to save the world and try to save Alyssa along with it. I am excited to see what her storyline delves into for a season 3.

Now onto relationships

As said by @madroxed the Order cannot write a good relationship and I agree wholeheartedly. They probably put what I am going to say in words better, but I have a very similar viewpoint if you want to read their review.

Starting off with Randall and Gabrielle. It isn’t horrible, I think, like most relationships on this show, came out of nowhere. All of a sudden they are in this on and off relationship this is mostly shown offscreen, giving us little leadway what happens behind scenes. I think a frenemies to friends to then maybe in a season 3 to lovers trope would work better. Or just sticking as friends. Randall is the first one to truly call Gabrielle on her facades and I hope that with her becoming Midnight and killing Alyssa there friendship dynamic can be shown more. Not the worst, just started to quickly

Nicole and Lilith. I love more WLW representation especially seeing it come from POC women. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and is good character growth for both of them. Yes, there will be trust issues between the both of them lying to e/o about facets of their lives ( memory wiping, the robbery ), but perhaps this could make a good subplot for season 3. Also I am happy the Randall/Lilith plotline was thrown out because they also just work better as friends

Hamish and Vera. Now this was hinted a little in season 1, and it could be well. If it was written on screen or shown on screen honestly at all. It was just mentioned by Randall “someone is hot for teacher” they both have strong  leadership abilities and understand what it is like making tough choices. However, all this relationship did was make Hamish completely complacent to the Order and he not doing whatever it takes to get Lilith back, whom he has known as a part of his family, brotherhood for a lot longer than Vera.

Jack and Alyssa. I love seeing their complicated relationship on screen. Long are the days of the season 1 instalove trope, that I am not a big fan of. Having them acknowledge that their relationship is toxic to both of them at times, but still establish that they both deeply care for eachother is important. They both are constantly on other sides of whatever situation they are on, but still are willing to risk themselves for the other. I am not sure where I stand on liking or disliking the relationship, but throughout this season I think that the discussions that were started with how they view their relationship is important. 

The ending of Season 2. I’m not sure how I feel. As I have seen many other people say it was rushed ( which I agree with ) and ending on a reel of powerful women being hurt in the arms of men is kinda disheartening to see. It feels like a man! Savior trope. I want to believe it wasn’t written this way on purpose, but seeing it does leave a bad taste in my mouth. That is not to say I didn’t like how the storylines ended, but how they showed the end and having all of the bad happen to women as men watch is,,, not the best.

Overall, these were the goods and bads of the second season of The Order. I still love this show a lot and it’s nice to see the fandom grow bigger. If you read through this whole rambely, unedited mess thank you. Feel free to send an Ask or Message me with your thoughts!

[howtotrainyouragents]

Agent H’s Book Reactions

 Isle of Blood and Stone by Makiia Lucier

The sudden appearance of two maps unlocks the mystery behind the disappearance of the princes of Del Mar

-It seems mean of me to rant about the bad things about this book because I know it’s not hugely known, from a smaller publisher/author, it’s #ownvoices, and I believe in giving books like this a fair, even generous, chance. But that being said...I have a lot to complain about.

-How- HOW- is it possible to take a book with a such a gripping premise, and make it the most boring book ever? 

-Maybe this is just me, but I believe that the story should have started by the time you’re 100 pages in.

-Okay, I think there’s at least one major reason it’s so boring: the worldbuilding gets in the way of the story. This book is a great example of detailed attention to the everyday lives and society of the characters, but there’s just. too. much. of. it. You drop the worldbuilding essentials in the beginning and then you get going with the plot, only stopping to fill in worldbuilding when it’s relevant or when you need to create breathing room. This book drops in worldbuilding factoids literally so often that I started a (nonalcoholic bc I’m responsible) drinking game from it. Like, cool backstory but none of this random shit matters?? Tell me about the maps and the princes, I don’t really care about the society that much when it’s so irrelevant to the plot.

-Oh my goodness, the fact that there’s an entire sequence where Elias almost gets the plague and then doesn’t and the entire thing is not even important to the plot really capture my frustrations with the lost potential of this book. Like, someone ring Chekov, I think I found his gun unused. 

-I am so grateful that there were the spirits of Javelin and the sea serpent because otherwise I would have straight up murdered this book for being so boring.

-Maybe this is just my pet peeve, but she switches between using non-contractions for her characters to sound formal, and using contractions to make them sound natural and it’s just really inconsistently done. Please pick one and stick to it; it’ll be less jarring

-I do wish that the book had alternating POV between Elias, Mercedes, and Ulises rather than 95/5/1 split between Elias, Mercedes, and Ulises respectively (which by the way, probably another pet peeve, but that’s a terrible way to split POV. Either keep it to one character or split evenly don’t just randomly jump for like a quarter-chapter and then come back to the main narrator). Like they all had skin in the game and it could have been really interesting to see how this journey is affecting all of them. Elias was not compelling enough to be the main POV. Mercedes definitely was (I wouldn’t have minded if it was from all her POV). Ulises maybe not but he could have if he’d gotten some attention.

-I’m not even sure where to start with Elias. We had one great intro scene of him, and then the next scene he’s literally throwing a temper tantrum to all his friends/mentors/leaders. That got me way off on the wrong foot with him. He’s supposed to be a kind of a rogue and a troublemaker, but his personality is honestly just kinda bland and a little depressing. He’s like top of the game, so there’s no rooting for him. And then he doesn’t do the obvious, right thing by taking Reyna on as his apprentice but hands her off to someone else after there was so much build up. And then like, I know this quest was personal for him, but I feel like Mercedes and Ulises had much more interesting and bigger stakes at hand; I would much rather see them struggle with the implications of this quest then see Elias dance around this and not really struggle with it.

-Look, I get that Mercedes is actually totally an appropriate name for the regional/historical setting, but it’s also an incredibly famous modern name, and this right here is a great example of the Tiffany Problem= the name Tiffany was actually a common Medieval name but it can’t be used in fantasy because it’s too modern looking and would seem unrealistic to the audience. I mean, Lucier, good for you for going for it anyway but it did throw me for a loop (and that’s on me, I knowww)

-Oh cool, so the war against Mondrago was completely unjustified. That’s shitty. They can rebuild the nation, but they’ll never admit the truth and give the people justice. That’s super shitty.

-There’s so many things about this book that made me angry, but the fact that it tried to make me feel sympathetic for Mercedes because one (1) old woman spat at her (and missed her, mind you) is like way at the top. I think Mercedes being half-Mondragan is fascinating (although it’s mitigated by the fact she’s  royalty so it’s not like she was ever in danger of discrimination), but we never see her facing the dangers of her ethnicity. The one (1) incident we see is that a woman spat her, and then Elias and Ulises are all up in arms and they all spend the rest of the book being angry about it. Like, I get it, if someone I loved was spat at, I’d feel the same way. But as a reader, you have to make me care. You have to show me the injustice she faces because of her identity (she’s in danger, she can’t get work, she’s not safe outside, take your pick, it doesn’t have to be gritty,). I’m not saying this from a “POC facing racism shows realism” perspective, I’m saying this as a reader, we need her to have real, serious stakes in the game in order for her and FOR US to be invested in her journey. There needs to be some struggle so that there’s satisfaction when the truth is revealed and the Mondragans are innocent (although, see above point). Otherwise. It’s. Just. Boring.

-You can tell the author really really liked Reyna (especially since the second book is about her??), but I really really did not care about her at all. Like I thought she was a sweet kid, but she really did not need to have the plot/emotional/character signficance that she did when 1) it’s super weird having this mature-for-her-age 9 year old amongst all these young adults/adults  and 2) more time spent with her meant less time spent with characters who actually mattered, i.e. Mercedes, Ulises, Lord Silva

-I wanted way more of Ulises, but I will conceded that that’s because of my ultimate weakness for royal men.

-Also this book feels the compelling need to spell everything out. Which is annoying but fine except for the one time that it doesn’t spell it out and it should have:

-The reveal of the villain made no sense?? I was sitting in the bookstore cafe and I think everyone was giving me weird looks because I kept throwing my hands up and cursing. IT MADE NO SENSE. Those were the most tenuous clues put together ever, and then Elias doesn’t tell anyone or even the audience. He just decides to ride night and day only to stop at the edge of a cliff and not his actual destination. That idiot. The reveal of the villain helper ALSO MADE NO SENSE, just for the record

-At least the reveal of Elias’ father was obvious and kinda cathartic

-The mystery of the disappearance was also pretty well done and I’ll give her that. It was sad and complicated and I at least kinda understand why the characters made those choices? BUT, there was one thing that I refuse to accept: They expect us to believe that FIVE soldiers took out TWENTY royal guards and kidnapped multiple people??? Like, I get it, the wine was supposed to take everyone out, but if I were planning this kidnapping, I would not take the risk. I’d bring thirty guys just in case. I’m not frightened for the characters with less than half a dozen attackers; bring me the squad and make it a double and then we’ll talk. 

-I didn’t hate the romance of the story, which is rare for me and YA, so that’s something

-Despite what this may look like, I didn’t hate this book. I’d recc it to the right person. But I’d spent a long time hoping to read this book, and I think I’m just a little disappointed by the lost potential and super frustrated by the dullness

-Why is it called Isle of Blood and Stone?? Why is the series Tower of Winds??Am I just dumb? Bitch, I might be

[ethospathoslogan]

heavy crown, heavy heart: part three; a royalty!logince/sanders sides fanfic

A/N: so this was originally going to be a side part but, since it is in the canon timeline and goes into things i mentioned in the previous chapter, i decided to make it an actual chapter!!! this is just some sibling bonding bc it is a dynamic i wanted to go into and also important!!! 

summary: Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

ships: the fic itself is logince, but this chapter has no ship

WC: 5,639

content: mentions of anxiety & possible depression, major mention of family death

masterlist!!!

previous chapter!!!

read on ao3!!!

tag list: @definentlynotjustanotherlemon , @peachie-keeen , @red-the-ruler , @syndianites , @mirror2thespirit , @ravenclawunicorn1, @urte1108 , @monikastec , @princeyssash , @princelogical

Roman had been sitting by candlelight, a book gifted to him by Logan open on his lap and one of his fingers absentmindedly playing with the corner of a page, when he heard one of doors further down the wing be pushed open. The hinges slowly creaked, as if the person had wished to make a quiet escape and failed.

The Prince looked up and narrowed his eyes. Glancing at the clock at his wall, he saw it was well past one in the morning. Everyone else had already gone to their beds hours ago, or at least it was what Roman had assumed. Roman was typically the one who stayed awake well into the night and preferred to sleep into late morning, much to the chagrin of his father and his father’s adviser, who believed that the eldest prince should be up the earliest to get a start on the day’s activities.

However, Roman knew it was also not uncommon for his brothers to wake in the middle of the night. Roman had caught Patton multiple times sneaking out of his own room to visit the gardens when they were undisturbed by the bustle of humans. Roman would always let him past, he refused to stop his brother when he wished for one moment of true solidarity, but would inevitably have to tell the guards for the night shift that, no, the person they were seeing wandering the garden was not an intruder but, in fact, a prince.

As Roman heard tired footsteps trek down the corridor, his mind travelled to his other brother. Virgil, Roman believed, slept the least out of all of them, it evident with the dark circles constantly under his eyes. Ever since he was a child, the youngest prince had been plagued with night terrors and terrible anxieties. Without their mother alive and their father emotionally present, Roman, as a child, took it upon himself to comfort his brother. The castle staff, specifically whatever nurse they had at the time, saw it as some form of adorable brotherly bonding, and that once Roman left, an adult would take over and handle the situation properly. However, Roman’s true reasoning was because his mother took it upon herself to be the primary caretaker of her children. She did not believe in being detached from her children and would rather them be following her around all day, clinging to her skirts, than them be forming a better bond with a nurse.

In Roman’s eyes, the least he could do for his mother, and his brother, was be there for them.

When the tired footsteps stopped in front of Roman’s door, he was positive that it was Virgil and not Patton. He kept his eyes on the door, waiting for the knock. Virgil had the tendency to be extremely reclusive, and if Roman opened the door now and ushered him in, there was a huge possibility of Virgil just turning around and retreating to his room.

Finally, after long enough that Roman started to think that maybe it was not Virgil and that whoever it was had left, there was the softest of knocks on his door. He bookmarked his page, not wanting to crease any of the pages of Logan’s books, before standing and opening his door. Virgil stood on the other side of it, looking anywhere but at Roman. His eyes were gaunt and something in Roman twinged at seeing how completely exhausted his brother looked.

“Cannot sleep?” Roman asked. Virgil shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. Roman stepped aside and opened the door wider, and Virgil wordlessly stepped in. He slumped tiredly into one of Roman’s chairs, staring through his bangs and out the window at the moon hanging in the night sky.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Roman leaned on the wall next to Virgil, staring down at him.

“Not really,” Virgil mumbled and Roman nodded, returning to his own chair not too far from Virgil.

Occasionally, when Virgil could not sleep, he came to Roman’s room. Roman’s childhood tradition of being a caretaker for his brother had not faded in adolescence and, on nights when Virgil’s insomnia reached peak frustration, he often went to find his eldest brother. It was not that Patton was no help; hell, sometimes Roman found himself relying on Patton for help. It was just that, when coming to Roman’s room, Virgil would not be bombarded with questions the moment he walked in. As Virgil sat in the same vicinity, Roman would return to whatever he previously had been doing and either wait for Virgil to initiate the conversation himself or wait for him to return to his room again.

Despite the fact that Roman and Virgil argued much more than either of them did with Patton, Roman understood not wanting to explain every thought in his head. He understood just wanting to sit near someone so that the world did not seem so large and him so infinitely small.

Roman cared for his brothers. His mother, when he was still young and adapting to not being the main center of attention anymore, preached familial values. With her passing and his relationship with his father growing more and more strained, he emphasized his focus on getting along with his brothers. They fought, yes, as brothers do; sometimes Patton’s heightened sensitivity and Virgil’s knack at being extremely grating was tiring, but overall, Roman could not imagine the castle without them. Living a life where everyone seemed ready to use him for their own personal fortunes, it was pleasant to have two people who understood exactly what Roman experienced.

“I will be here if you need anything,” Roman said, retrieving his book from where he left it. He flipped back open to where he left off, flicking his eyes back to wear Virgil was and saw him, still, keeping his eyes on the starry sky. A deeper concern twisted in Roman’s gut. He knew of his brother’s trouble with sleeping and of his excessive worries, but something about him seemed off, and more than usual.

Roman attempted to return to reading his book, but Virgil had begun tapping erratically on the arm of the chair and the dull, quick tapping along with his brooding atmosphere pulled too much at Roman’s mind. Typically, the tapping irked him and he usually had to bite his tongue to keep from saying anything, because he knew it was just a nervous tick that his brother was barely conscious of, but now it was different. Frankly, he was too concerned to be annoyed.

Roman glanced back up at Virgil and, this time, Virgil looked back. Roman quickly looked away and Virgil sighed.

“I am exhausted,” Virgil finally said.

“Would you like to try sleeping again?” Roman asked. “You are free to stay here, I do not plan on sleeping anytime soon.”

Virgil shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, pushing his bangs up and away from his face. “No, it is not that,” he said. He worried his bottom lip and Roman, frowning, put his book back down.

“Then what is it?” Roman asked before quickly following with, “You do not have to tell me if you are not comfortable, Virgil.”

Virgil huffed out a deep sigh again and stared up into the high ceiling. “I am exhausted, Roman,” he said. “All these fears and worries that I have just feel like they are consuming me. Sometimes I think that they are choking me, and that the world might as well be ending.”

Roman’s eyebrows furrowed and he shifted his chair closer. “What are you scared of? I do not think that there is anything in this castle that can harm you.”

“That is exactly it,” Virgil said, scratching at his cuticles. “Everything just seems… off. As if something is not sitting right. I… I understand that there is probably nothing in this castle that can do anything. But I still cannot shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong, that there is something I should be preparing myself for. I thought that it was because Logan and his family were coming back, and it would be the first time in a while that we have had guests stay for more than a few days but…” He trailed off and Roman cocked his head.

“You still feel the same way,” Roman finished for him. Virgil hesitated before nodding. “Virgil, I am sure that there is something we can do for you. Perhaps the apothecary has something, or-”

Virgil shook his head vehemently. “No, no, we cannot do that,” he rushed out.

“Why? If there is someone who can help you, I think that it would be best-”

“No one can know that something is wrong,” Virgil said, his words so quick that Roman’s mind almost did not process them. “Father is already stressed enough as it is, and to go out for an apothecary would draw attention, and I do not want anyone to know that I am the freak of this family-”

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted, his voice stern. Virgil tensed at his sudden tone change and snapped his mouth shut. “Do not ever say that about yourself,” he continued. “What you are experiencing does not make you odd. You are a tad more fearful than most, that is all. It does not make you bad or wrong. Plus, it is not like myself and Patton are without our eccentricities.”

“But…” Virgil sighed. “I already worry too many people because I do not sleep and I panic. I cannot be more of a burden than I already am.”

“Who said you are a burden?” Roman asked with a raised eyebrow. “We all worry about you because we care. If you believe anything I say, believe that. Oh, sure, you can be quite irritating at times with the fact that you always have some snarky thing to say and can never let me have the last word, which should be rightfully mine-” Virgil snorted and Roman could not help but smile, “-But you are still my brother.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Virgil said, giving a small smile. However, when his eyes flicked back to his hands and he still looked rather uncomfortable in his seat, Roman had a feeling that there was still more his brother had to say.

“Is there anything else?” Roman asked, not wanting to push but also not wanting to sound like he was dismissing his brother.

Virgil frowned and did not say anything for a couple of moments. He clenched his hands into fists and unclenched multiple times, retreating back to looking at everything in Roman’s room besides Roman. “It is really stupid,” he finally said.

“I assure you it is not,” Roman said before breaking out into a grin. “Besides, I am enjoying being the brother who is able to give emotional support. Typically, I am just there as the pretty face and the occasional clever and witty comment, but now-”

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil interrupted and Roman’s words died in his throat.

Roman blinked a few times at his brother. Virgil’s words washed over him in waves that started to bring too many memories back. “What?” he finally choked out.

“I took our mother away from you,” Virgil repeated. “She died having me, and you should hate me for that. I hear the way you speak of her, every amazing and wonderful thing she was. And I took that away from you, and I do not know why you have forgiven me for that.”

Roman stared at his brother, finding himself at a loss for words.

Roman was six. His mother was pregnant and expecting soon, and he was excited for this one. He was not when Patton was first born. He did not like not being the sole deserver of his mother’s attention. But his mother had told him that now he had another child to play with, and Roman grew to love the bouncing toddler. Now, he was ready to be the eldest. His mother told him that now, with two younger siblings, he would have to be the best role model for them that he could be.

Roman was six and very excited. He showed his mother all the toys he could share with Patton and the new baby, fumbling blocks that spelled his name (he was missing the letter M) and figures and marbles in his small hands. She smiled down at him and her bright blue eyes shone and Roman felt safe. His mother was warm and soft and was a lot less scarier than his father, sitting one-thousand miles up on his throne. Roman told his mother he did not know how he could get high enough to reach it. She laughed and told him that he would, she would make sure of it.

Roman was six and it was a bright and warm day when one of the servants screamed down the corridor that they needed the medic. The baby was coming three weeks earlier than everyone else thought. The family medic had had to return to his own home for a family emergency, but he told his father and mother that he would be back in time. Roman did not know why he lied. His father’s adviser and some of the guards had to be sent out into the city to fetch one of the local medics. Patton cried at the commotion and Roman held his hand and gave him one of his miniature horse figurines. It had wheels and the two wheeled it back and forth in Roman’s room as people outside ran back and forth. He told Patton that they should be happy, they were going to have another person to play with, and that mother was excited for them to be the best older brothers ever.

Roman was six when his father told them that their mother died. Died. A four letter word that Roman did not like. He heard it used about soldiers that did not go back to their families. Or about the city, like when Roman heard the knights talking about a fight breaking out in the streets and how someone died. But never for his mother. She was his mother. His mother was not supposed to die when Roman still had so much to show her. He and Patton finally found the M block underneath one of his chairs.

Roman was six when their nurse, the one that his mother did not want but their father insisted upon, showed them the baby wrapped in a blanket and said that his name was Virgil. He did not look anything like their mother. No red hair and his eyes had too much brown in them. Patton, who did not understand fully what happened, gave the baby his finger to hold. Roman, who did understand, ran away and cried in his room.

Roman was six and, despite everything, Roman was alone. The throne towered over him. He did not know how he could reach it now.

After sixteen years, Roman still wondered if he was falling too short.

Roman was too surprised by Virgil’s words to pay mind to the tears that had sprung to his eyes. “V-Virgil,” he managed out. His voice was choked and he rubbed at his eyes. “You… you did not take her from me.”

“Yes, I did,” Virgil insisted. “I know that you needed her then. I think you still do, Roman. Everything you say of her… she was warm, and soft, and bright. I… I know that you do not get along with our father. We all have our disagreements with him, even Patton, but for you… something is different. There is something tenser between you two that I do not think would be there if our mother was still here. I just keep thinking that I took away the parent you needed, and I do not understand why you do not hate me.”

Roman gaped at his brother. He would be the first to admit that, even after sixteen years, he missed his mother more than anything. However, knowing that Virgil had blamed himself this entire time and expected Roman to hate him -oh God how long has he thought this?- is what Roman found himself more upset by. He learned to cope and accept his mother’s death, he could not do the same for Virgil blaming himself.

“Virgil,” Roman finally said. “I… I could never blame you. You… it was not you that took her away. I do not think anyone did. She… I think she was under a lot more stress than she let on, and maybe she was in more pain, too, but her death was not your fault. You never did anything wrong, and you still have not. And the fact that you think that I could hate you for that?” Roman shook his head in disbelief. “Virgil, that is insane. If I hated you, I would not have just given you this long speech about how we all care about you. If I hate you, I probably would have said something along the lines of be afraid that I will hit you, because I can be an asshole like that.”

Virgil let out a laugh that sounded more like a watery cough, and Roman pretended to not notice how he rubbed at his eyes, glistening with unshed tears.

“I am so sorry, Roman,” Virgil said, shaking his head. He tilted his head away and Roman saw a tear or two escape and tread down Roman’s face, but he called no attention to it.

“You do not have to be,” Roman assured. “We have all moved forward, and, yes, we miss her, but we also learned to cope. No one here hates you because there is no reason to, and if anyone ever says anything, or has said anything, you send them to me, okay?” Virgil nodded and sniffed, rubbing at his eyes again. “And, please, do not let this be something you lose sleep over. Pretty people should be what does that, not things that are not your fault.”

Virgil sighed and swallowed thickly. “Okay,” he said quietly. The conversation then trailed off and Roman started to think that Virgil was getting ready to leave when his brother said, “Speaking of people that you find, to quote, pretty, you and Lo-”

Roman was quick to cut his brother off, “You are pushing your limits, and I suggest that you either stop talking or prepare for me to kick you out in the next two seconds.”

Virgil laughed but did not say anything more.

--

Patton and their father had gotten into an argument that morning. Roman had believed he was up far too early (their guests were still resting in the comfort of their beds, why did he have to be up?), and was bitterly nursing a cup of coffee in the parlor adjacent to the throne room, when the fight started. Even through the walls, he heard words like “over excited” and “melancholic” and “mature” and “Patton, I expect more of you than these ever changing emotions”, and Roman believed that he could accurately piece together what his father was nagging Patton about. He could not hear what Patton was saying, but from his father’s disappointed reactions, he assumed that whatever Patton was feeling was getting the best of him.

Finally, after a couple minutes of Roman eavesdropping, being disappointed that he could not hear everything properly, and then feeling guilty about eavesdropping in the first place, the throne room door swung open and out walked Patton. Roman watched as Patton began to walk past, and did not miss how he frantically wiped at his eyes, though when Patton finally caught his brother staring, he straightened as if nothing was happening and forced a grin that did not meet his eyes.

“Oh, Roman,” Patton said, his voice artificially cheerful. “Good morning, I did not expect to see you up so soon.”

“I am improving my skills of being a responsible adult,” Roman said, setting his now empty cup on one of the table’s coasters. “Are you alright, Patton? I believe it is a bit early for our father to be berating us.”

“Oh, that?” Patton questioned and forced a laugh. “Do not worry, that was nothing. Just… just an average conversation.”

Roman did not believe him at all. “It sounded a bit more than average,” he pressed.

“Well, it was not,” Patton said, his tone suddenly tired and clipped. “I have to go to my room.”

Roman blinked at his brother as he walked away. “Okay, then,” he huffed out.

For a while, Roman let Patton be on his own. As much as he felt ashamed to admit it, he did not know what to do with Patton and his obvious hidings of something troubling him. Usually, it was Virgil who went to Roman or Patton, depending on the situation, Patton who helped, and Roman who went to Patton with petty, dramatic problems. Occasionally, when intoxicated and rather melancholic, Roman rambled about everything that troubled him to his brother and then, in the morning, he acted as if nothing was ever wrong in the first place.

Roman realized with a sinking feeling that Patton rarely came to either Roman or Virgil. Over the years, Roman had seen Patton in foul moods and, even when he offered his ear to Patton, his younger brother never complied.

He began to run through everything in his mind. He tried to see if he could find something that would give Patton reason to not trust either of his brothers. If there was something that he or Virgil had said, or a fight that was left unresolved, but all that Roman could remember was forced smiles and Patton claiming that nothing was wrong, that nothing was ever wrong.

At half past noon, Roman decided it was time that he did something. The castle was now alive, everyone jostling through with activities for the day, meals to prepare, training to be done, but Patton had yet to leave his room. Roman decided that now was the time to go confront his brother; now was when they would not be disturbed by anyone else. Their father had meetings all throughout the day, and Virgil and Logan just headed to the library to look over books and journals together.

Roman approached Patton’s door and, with only slight hesitation, softly knocked. “Patton?” he called through. “It is Roman.”

On the other side of the door, there was a long enough silence that Roman considered that Patton was possibly sleeping, or perhaps he had left his room and Roman had not noticed. When Roman thought about either knocking again or walking away, a small voice finally said, “Come in.”

Roman pushed his brother’s door open and found Patton seated in one of his chairs, looking out the window. It seemed that his eyes were not actually seeing anything, and he did not turn to look at Roman when he entered.

“I just wanted to check in on you after this morning,” Roman said, shuffling his feet awkwardly. “You seemed… troubled.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. His tone was quite unsettling to Roman; usually, Patton was bright and cheerful, his words bringing light back into the castle when there was none. Though, Patton now, just sounded so… tired, so dejected. “But I am fine.”

Roman did not believe him, but he did not know if pressing would do either of them any good. “Would you like to go outside, then?” he asked. “It is probably one of the most beautiful days of the season, and you are keeping yourself in here.” When Patton looked doubtful and ready to reject Roman’s idea, he quickly continued, “We could go to the garden. I know how much you like to go there. No one else would be there.”

Patton considered for a minute, and when Roman feared that he would just be dismissed, Patton sighed and stood. “I think that will be nice,” he said and Roman grinned.

“Perfect,” Roman beamed. “Well, onwards then! We have not a moment to waste of this beautiful day.”

Roman lead Patton out of his bedroom, falling into step besides his brother as they walked. Something about Patton still seemed so off, so reserved, but Roman believed it to be a victory to have been able to convince his brother to join him. He did not want to ruin it by forcing Patton to speak when he was not ready.

Fortunately, when they arrived at the garden, Roman was correct in saying that no one else would be there. He let Patton decide where they would sit, and Patton chose a bench situated in the shade under one of the trees. The flowers bloomed brightly in front of them and small groups of butterflies flitted from each on.

“It really is wonderful out,” Patton quietly commented as they sat down.

“It is,” Roman agreed. “I could not simply let you sit inside all day.”

“Thank you, Roman,” Patton said. “I just get so… off sometimes, and I just isolate myself. I know it is not particularly the best thing to do, but sometimes it seems like the only thing to do.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Patton sighed and carded a hand through his hair. “I get so melancholy sometimes, Roman,” he started, staring ahead of them at the flowers. “I just sometimes start feeling as if the light in the world has gone out and that there is nothing left than to just let things pass. Honestly, it is quite draining. I fall into these moods where I feel like I am trapped in this… hopeless trance. I force myself to put on a smile and laugh because it is what people expect of me, but I feel like I am just lying to everyone. That this is all some huge play and I have to constantly wear a mask to please everyone.”

Roman frowned and turned fully to face his brother. “Patton, I… I did not know that you felt like this.”

Patton forced out a laugh that sounded more pained than not. “Because I did not want you to,” he said. Roman pretended as if that did not sting. “I did not want anyone to know. Not you, not Virgil nor our father, anyone. We live such luxurious lives where we can have what we choose. There are so many people who are truly hurting and suffering, and here I am, Prince Patton Sanders, moping about because I am sad more often than not.”

“Patton, you do not have to think that,” Roman said. “It does not matter how you live. That does not change how you feel. There will always be people suffering more, and people suffering less. If you based your feelings solely off of other people, you would only drive yourself to exhaustion and madness. I am not a profession, but I do not think it is healthy to hold in what you feel. Virgil and I are here for you when you are overcome with these melancholic thoughts. You are allowed to feel them, and what you feel, while painful, yes, is real and should not be ignored.”

Patton shook his head. “But it is not who I am supposed to be Roman,” he said, his lower lip wobbling. “I am just going to end up disappointing everyone.”

“Disappointing us?” Roman questioned. “Patton, you could never-”

“Yes, I could, Roman!” Patton exclaimed, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes. “I am supposed to be put together and cheerful. It is what people expect of me. Everyone expects me to be the perfect son who keeps our father happy and is the mediator for you and Virgil. I am not supposed to be so sad and… empty. When I am, I force myself to be this over excited person so that people do not see me be unfit in the one thing I am meant to do.” He let out a wet laugh and shook his head. “I am already disappointing our father and, soon, everyone else.”

“Patton,” Roman sighed and, slowly, carefully, placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Do not say that. Just because you and father had an… an argument, it does not mean that you disappointed him.”

“Oh, really?” Patton asked. “So him telling me that I need to mature is not disappointing him? Him telling me that I need to sedate these ever changing emotions, that I need to get a firm grip on myself? Him telling me that it is time for me to be responsible and reliable, and not so childish? That is all not disappointing him? That is not being the son that everyone expects me to be? You said it yourself, Roman, I am supposed to be the son that makes our father proud, the son that does everything he is told and the one that our father listens to.”

“He was clearly talking to Roman and I, Patton. You cannot do anything wrong in his eyes.”

“That is not true.”

“Of course it is! You could spit in the Duke’s face and our father would ban him from the kingdom for offending you.”

“Roman-”

“Ask for anything and it is yours, that is the way it has always been. Do you think that, if Patton asked our father to call off whatever marriage he had planned for me, he would do it?”

“Roman, stop.”

Roman suddenly felt like a complete and utter asshole. “Patton, I-I am so sorry,” Roman stammered out, struggling to find words. He and his brothers had fought before, yes, but Roman never wanted to be the person that hurt one of them.

Patton shook his head. “No, I am sorry,” he sighed. “You did not know, it is unfair of me to put this on you.”

“No, Patton, that is completely fair,” Roman pushed. “I… I hurt you. I made you feel like you had to live up to these expectations. Even if it was not entirely me making you feel like this, I played a part, and you can be mad. You should be mad. Lord knows anyone else would be.”

Patton sighed a deep, shuddering breath and rubbed at his eyes again. “You did not purposely intend to do that, Roman,” he said. “I cannot be mad at you if you did not intend it. Well, I can, but it feels wrong. I just… I do not want to worry people. I want to be what people want me to be and help everyone else. I feel like, if I start showing people what I truly am, I am just going to burden people.”

Roman shook his head. “Patton, what people expect you to be is human,” he said. “I think people would be more worried if you were happy all the time. You are a living, human being. You are allowed to feel sad and aggravated and everything else that may not be as delightful as being happy. Whatever you feel is real. You are allowed to feel how you do, and you are allowed to be your own person. If you spend your entire life just trying to live up to unfair expectations, you are just going to end up unhappy. And as your brother, I do not think I could handle seeing you live an unhappy life.”

Patton smiled and rubbed away one last tear that fell out of his eyes. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman smiled back. “You do not have to thank me,” he said. “And you know that myself and Virgil are here for you too, yes? I know that we tend to come to you a lot with our many, many problems, but that does not mean that you cannot do the same to us. The three of us have to have each other’s backs, which means that we cannot let you be suffering alone.”

Surprisingly, Roman had not expected Patton to throw himself at Roman in a hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled into Roman’s shoulder and Roman smiled, giving Patton a tight squeeze back.

“Of course,” Roman said as the two pulled away. “Trust me, in a castle where we are surrounded by adults, I think we need to be there for each other.”

Patton smiled. “But Roman, you are also an adult.”

Roman sighed and threw his head back. “Patton, do not ruin this moment by reminding me of my responsibilities and of my mortality,” he groaned and Patton laughed. He then looked back at his brother. “And you know you can tell me if I am saying too much bullshit, right? I am not sure if you have noticed, but I have the habit of just speaking without applying thought to what I am saying. There needs to be someone to reign me in, and it cannot be Virgil, because I might hit him.”

Patton laughed again. “I will make sure to let you know,” he said, looking back towards the garden.

“Now, should we leave all this sentimentality behind and return to enjoying the day?” Roman asked. “I am hoping that this is making you feel… somewhat better.”

Patton nodded. “We should, and it is,” he said. “Thank you, Roman.”

Roman beamed. “You do not have to keep thanking me, it is just what I do,” he said.

Roman knew that he could not always be the best brother, and perhaps sometimes not even a good brother. But, damn it all, he was going to try and support his brothers as much as they support him; it was the least he could do.

[noretreatnancy]

January Reading Wrap-Up

Okay so I want to start typing up a little summary/review for each of the books I read this year, so that maybe some of my followers can find some new titles! This month I read 5 romances, 2 fantasies, 2 non-fiction (a memoir and a recounting of some supposedly true paranormal events), and 1 mystery/thriller. If you’re interested in any of those genres, maybe check out the reviews under the cut :)

Mystery/Thriller

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

Rating: 2.5/5

This book was a mega disappointment for me. The concept was really intriguing. Jules has just recently been through some life turmoil, losing her job, boyfriend, and home in the same day. She takes a job apartment sitting in a very prestigious historical building with a dark history. Weird occurrences ensue, including strict rules and missing apartment sitters. If you don’t read/watch a lot of mystery/thriller/(even true crime) content and are interested in dabbling, this could be a good choice for you. Unfortunately, I found the hints started dropping a little too early, and the answers were a little too obvious for me to be properly intrigued. I wanted a really slow burn mystery, and this just felt overly rushed for me. 

Non-Fic

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado (memoir)

Rating: 5/5

I don’t usually rate non-fiction, especially memoirs, because it’s hard for me to but a grade on someone’s account of their own life. But holy shit this book blew me out of the water. This is the story of Carmen Maria Machado’s abusive same-sex relationship, and the unique struggles faced by victims of f/f relationship violence. First of all, Machado’s writing is unparralled. Absolutely gorgeous. The way she structures this, all the history and pop culture she ties in keeps it feeling fresh and engaging. The content is of course very heavy, dealing with themes of abuse in many different forms. However, imo these issues are handled with honesty and grace, in a way that never felt gratuitous. 

The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel (paranormal account)

Rating: N/A

Uhm... I hated every second of reading this. I love Mothman. I love reading/watching/listening to content around weird/spooky/paranormal occurrences. I did not love this book. It was so boring. Total slog to read. There was no narrative structure/order of events. I assumed the story would track the beginning of weird reports in Point Pleasant, then follow Keel’s own arrival and investigation of these reports, with his own experiences and background being used to create a coherent story. That’s not what this is. This is a random arrangement of ufo/men in black/strange encounter stories that all fit a similar theme. Not to say no one would enjoy this, or that it doesn’t present interesting theories (it certainly does), just didn’t work for me. If you want a more easily digestible (and by FAR more enjoyable) version of this, check out the Astonishing Legends podcast and their episodes covering this book. 

Fantasy

Black Sun (Book 1, Between Earth and Sky) by Rebecca Roanhorse

Ratung: 4/5

Finally some good fucking food. if you’re looking for some adult fantasy with a new and interesting world, have I got a book for you. This is a multiple POV story following four main characters and two main plotlines. Xiala, a Teek (siren-esque) ship captain hired to transport Serapio (who may or may not be the vessel of an apocalypse god) to the city of Tova, where Naranpa (the Sun Priestess) is trying to navigate a city on the brink of political upheaval. The world is inspired by Pre-Columbian civilizations in the Americas, and the lore/magic/politics are all totally unlike any other fantasy I’ve read. 

Come Tumbling Down (Book 5, Wayward Children) by Seanan McGuire

Rating: 3

This was definitely a solid addition to this series, if not my favorite. The Wayward Children series follows the adventures of children who were able to enter magical worlds, but for a variety of reasons had to leave those worlds. This book most closely aligns with books one and two, almost feeling like a direct sequel to book two with the addition of characters from book three. It didn’t have the emotional impact for me that earlier books did, but there was nothing glaringly bad or wrong here. I would definitely recommend this series to anyone who enjoyed portal/doorway/wardrobe to a magical world stories as a kid. 

Romance

The Bride Test (Book 2, The Kiss Quotient) by Helen Hoang

Rating: 5/5

I love this series. I love these characters. As far as I’m concerned, Helen Hoang cannot fucking miss. This is an excellent sequel to The Kiss Quotient, but can be read on it’s own no problem. This story follows Esme, a Vietnamese woman who is enlisted to travel to the US to woo and marry Khai, an autistic man who isn’t interested in dating (much to the concern of his mother). They’re both dealing with their own issues in this book. Khai is convinced that he can’t feel love, because he’s spent his entire life being told he’s demonstrating it in the wrong way. Esme is dealing with the struggles of a new immigrant, who wants to be able to support her family back in Vietnam (including her young daughter), while also dealing with the pressure to seduce Khai. Shenanigans ensue. These books have the perfect balance of sweetness/sexy appeal/angst. There is a good deal of miscommunication/misunderstanding/secret keeping in here, but it’d ultimately a minor issue in an overall really supportive relationship full of mutual admiration. I will absolutely be reading the third book, and I highly recommend the series overall. 

She Tempts the Duke (Book 1, Lost Lords of Pembrook) by Lorraine Heath

Rating: 3/5

This was fine. I’ve read better historical romance, but I have certainly read worse. This book follows Mary and Sebastian, childhood friends separated by a tragedy. When they were children, Sebastian and his brothers were forced to flee for their lives based on the actions of their power hungry uncle. Now, as adults, they have returned to reclaim their father’s title. Mary, who helped them escape, has just been allowed back into society after a childhood in a convent, and she must work extra hard to maintain her reputation in order to maintain her engagement. I’m sure you can imagine where it goes from there. The story itself is very simple, there were no twists or unexpected turns. The childhood friends aspect could’ve been played up more imo, but I did enjoy the care between the two leads. They really want what’s best for each other. The most interesting aspect for me was the relationship between the brothers, and how they’ve all been changed and hardened by their pasts.

Spoiler Alert by Olivia Dade

Rating: 3.5/5

This was cute! The book follows Marcus (a major actor in a GOT-esque blockbuster fantasy TV show on the rocks) and April (fan of the show). April and Marcus both write fanfiction for the same ship (half of which is Marcus’s own character), and have developed a strong online friendship, both keeping their identities secret. If anyone were to find out that Marcus writes show critical fanfic, he would be in serious legal trouble, not to mention what it would do to his reputation. April has been keeping her fandom life separate from her real life, in order to maintain credibility in her career. However, a new work environment gives her the confidence to be more open about her passions. April posts a cosplay of herself as one of the characters from the show (the other half of their ship). April is plus-size, and her cosplay gets a lot of attention, some of which being internet typical negativity. Marcus sees this hate online, and is so upset by it that he publicly praises her and asks her on a date (not knowing April is his fanfic buddy). Shenanigans ensue. I liked this book a lot, I thought the concept was cute and I loved how sweet Marcus was at all times. The relationship felt really grounded in the friendship/common interests of the characters. There is a lot of misunderstanding/miscommunication in this book, to the point where I did become frustrated, even if it is understandable based on the insecurities of the characters. 

Take A Hint, Dani Brown (Book 2, The Brown Sisters) by Talia Hibbert

Rating: 4/5

Zaf I am in love with you. This is the second book in the series but you can totally read it on its own without the context of the first book. This is the story of Dani (a bi phd student with a no relationship rule) and Zaf (an ex-pro rugby player turned security guard who loves romance novels and deals with extreme anxiety). Zaf and Dani work in the same building on a college campus, and have developed a casual friendship. During a fire drill gone wrong, a video of Zaf rescuing Dani goes viral, with everyone thinking they are a couple. Zaf wants to use the publicity to help his charity organization (helping teen boys learn emotional maturity), Dani wants a no-strings sex arrangement with Zaf, fake-dating ensues. This series is the blueprint for healthy relationships built on mutual respect and admiration, with two characters learning to deal with their own issues with the help and support of their potential romantic partner. If you don’t usually read romance bc of the genre-typical problematic content, consider checking this series out. 

One Foot in the Grave (Book 2, Night Huntress) by Jeaniene Frost

Rating: 3/5

This series follows Cat, a half human/half vampire hybrid who hunts vampires. In this book, set four years after the first, she is the leader of a vampire hunting secret government kill squad. Her ex-lover, the vampire Bones, who trained her and is basically the love of her life, reappears after four years of separation. They are very, very obviously Buffy and Spike (if Spike was a good guy). It was better than the first one. More/better humor, Cat is much less annoying. I liked the relationship dynamics, particularly with Cat and her team. It really kind of negates the big conflict set up at the end of the first book, so that all the relationship drama there feels very pointless. There is a TON of woman/woman hate in this series and it’s so cringey. I try to be lenient bc the books are old and I know that kind of attitude was common back then, but oh my god is it gross and weird. There is literally ONE female character Cat views in a positive lights, and she literally disappears into thin air 1/4 of the through the book. I wish the romance wasn’t so rushed (a complaint I had in the first book as well). If you like paranormal romance and don’t mind a pretty dated read, this series could be fun for you. 

Other

Rooms by Lauren Oliver

Rating: 3/5

I have no idea what genre to call this (literary fiction?? kind of??). It’s a ghost story and the story of a pretty messed up family dealing with their issues. The writing is really pretty, but the story feels kind of without substance. Like there are multiple POVs (the two ghosts haunting the house, the mother of the family, the sister and the brother, the niece), but none of them really struck any cords with me. I never felt emotionally connected to anyone. It was a really easy read, I enjoyed the writing. The concept was interesting. It just felt a little hollow and pointless to me, which sounds really harsh considering I by no means hated it. 

[itsclydebitches]

oh man, the way you talk about yen just makes me think of liara from mass effect and how hard it is to get a word in edgewise if you ever try to say anything about her in this fandom that isn't glowing praise. it doesn't help that the awful things she does are never really talked about in the game, like shepard doesn't get to have any lasting emotion over the fact that liara took their dead body and gave it to a horrible organization you potentially fought multiple times in the first game (and without ever so much as alerting your lover if you romanced the virmire survivor), you just get to have one moderately irritated line and then you just get over it. and she's so heavily pushed by the games themselves (and ofc most of the fandom) as the Right Romance to the point where it makes me want to hate her even more because no one will even acknowledge that it's possible she's not the best character in the series lmao

it's so frustrating, so i completely understand you (i personally love yen but it's bc she's such a deeply flawed&fucked up character, and i completely get why someone else might not like her, i just don't hang in witcher fandom spaces much so i haven't seen a lot of that kind of yen simping)

@drtwit I'm throwing your ask in with anon's 👍

I am absolutely obsessed with the fact that my Yen rants made two separate people think about this Liara and now I'm tempted to play through the Mass Effect series solely to see what's up with her lol. (I started the first game years ago and it didn't snag me. I dropped it really quick and then later the trilogy's ending drama turned me off for a while...) But YEAH. I mean, the Witcher fandom talks a lot about how supposedly biased CDPR is for Triss, but I honestly think that stems entirely from her being a love interest in the first two games, whereas Yen is not. If you play through the whole series (and haven't read the books), you definitely have more of an emotional connection to her than the random woman you just met. And we can absolutely unpack the choice to have Geralt searching for Yen for the first two games - thereby ensuring she isn't an active part of those stories - and whether that was fair to the Yen fans, but beyond that choice I don't think the game pushes Triss on you. As said, I think TW3 does a decent job of letting you make your own choices without those "You're choosing wrong" feelings, but if either character is pushed on you... I'd say it's Yen. Triss isn't the one I'm "supposed" to stay with because we're bound by magic and have a daughter with. Triss isn't the one whose interactions consist of nonstop flirting options. You're at a funeral? Any time's a good time to flirt with Yen! So yeah, if that sort of work had been more heavy-handed - which is what Liara sounds like, combined with that lackluster pushback when she does awful things (at least I can sometimes go, "Hey, Yen, what the fuck?" lol) - it would have had me banging my head against the metaphorical wall.

And yeah, anon, not to be contrary for the sake of it, but if a game comes in hard with a, "This is obviously the correct choice and the only one any good player would choose" there's a part of me that's tempted to reject that purely out of spite lol. You're bending over backwards to get me to romance Liara? Unless she's actually that astounding a character and her stunning personality makes up for this push in an otherwise choice-based game, I'm less tempted to go that route now.

As for the fandom, "because no one will even acknowledge that it's possible she's not the best character in the series lmfao" pretty much sums things thing for me. Admittedly, the games portion of the Witcher fandom has the debate going on. It's not just a "Yen is the best!!" situation but rather a Triss vs. Yen situation that, at this point, is just a staple of the community. Rather than engaging with her flaws - which, as you point out, anon, is one of the main reasons? Why she's a great character?? - many Yen fans just bank entirely on her canonical status in the books. That, as far as many fans are concerned, is that. She's canon, that makes her perfect, and you're wrong. I legit had a conversation that boiled down to the person saying that my view of the games doesn't count, the comics don't count, the Netflix series doesn't count, you have to read the books to understand the "real" Yen because any other version of Yen is wrong (despite them loving all versions), but no you're supposed to hate her in these books so disliking her there doesn't count, and oh, you still don't like many things in the later books? God, you just can't handle a complex character then, huh? It felt like when a friend is trying to get you into a new show but they're like, "Okay, the first two seasons are absolute garbage, the third season had this AMAZING plot but they totally dropped it, the fourth season is pretty rocky but with so much potential, and the first half of season five is a disaster BUT THEN-" and you're sitting there like maybe... if it takes five seasons to get to the good stuff... it's not actually that great? If you have to dismiss that many versions of a character, including large parts of the canon you're upholding, just to say, "Yeah, but this part of The Tower of the Swallow-!" it doesn't make for a compelling argument about the character as a whole. Pieces of the franchise are narrowed until you hit on the mythical, canonical part of the story where this "real" Yen exists and if you're still not a fan of her there the conversation is done. No discussion of how those flaws can create invested interest in a fan or turn them off, you're just an idiot for not liking my fave. So congratulations on being a rare breed, anon, capable of going, "God I love this character, but I get that others don't." Such a basic concept is often lost amongst the fandom drama lol.

Hmm... hey, Steam? Want to have a sale soon so I can snag Mass Effect and find out for myself how annoying this Liara situation is? The "took their dead body and gave it to a horrible organization you potentially fought multiple times" is RATHER INTRIGUING